All living beings have preferences, whether is it for another living being, a place, a way of doing things, or a certain way of thinking. How does one balance respect for one’s preferences, and also showing honor to everyone in one’s path? That certainly is something challenging.
As pointed out by Uncle Kah Hoe [a polytechnic mate], a great way to show respect or honor to an occasion initiator or planner, is by not letting the attendance list influence whether or not one would attend the occasion. One should also not try to question who’s on the attendance list.
Mummy Eliz used to excessively question who’s on the attendance list for events that she was being asked to, and once in 2003, she got an LONG lecture from Uncle Kah Hoe, who was asking her to join an outing.
As usual, she started asking if her usual group of pals would be attending, and without answering her directly, Uncle Kah Hoe simply asked her whether his presence alone is not enough.
He told her that her questioning made him feel like a second class citizen, even though she might not meant it that way, and that if she kept sticking to the same group of friends, she would only be depriving herself the chance to make more new friends, and have new experiences. And that is actually discrimination in a subtle way.
Well, that was a LONG lecture, and it left Mummy Eliz feeling really embarrassed [lecturing in public]. Thus that incident stays etched in mind. Looking back in hindsight, Mummy Eliz is still thankful to Uncle Kah Hoe for pointing her undesirable behavior out.
Mummy Eliz had a bitterly hurting experience recently, and was left feeling like a second class citizen when trying to organize some mummy-kiddos fun [perhaps what goes around come around].
Her hope is that this blog will help in acknowledging the feeling, and then enabling it to pass quickly. She discovered that some mis-communication [regarding price] was the cause of it, but then also hope that more EQ be displayed.
PS:
If Mummy Eliz had not taken Uncle Kah Hoe’s advice, she would not have got to know Daddy Tiong better and there would not be Princess Chelsea and Prince Christian today.
2 comments:
i have all along noticed that some people like to ask "who's coming" when invited to an event. And sometimes, they would make their RSVP decision based on who's coming.
but at other times, some people would RSVP first, and then ask who's coming (or that the "who's coming" bit will not affect their decision), in other words, out of genuine curiousity.
when an invitation is offered, it may in a person's nature to respond with "who's going?" (if the person is naturally curious)
if this person is enlightened on the fact that this kind of response may cause hurt, then the person should work on improving in the area of self-control, which is one of the fruits of the Holy Spirit.
but if the person asked "who's going" in order to obtain enough information to make a decision, then the person should be honest with the inviter about her reasons for asking (if her motives are pure). Pure in the sense of having genuine concern over certain valid matters.
But if the invitee's motives are not pure, than that is wickedness on the part of the invitee.
This is the test for a pure motive:
if the motive is pure, the invitee will not be ashamed to state it plainly and volunteerily.
but if the motive is impure, the invitee will be ashamed to state it.
because goodness is loves the light, while evil hides in the darkness.
So regarding the question "Should an invitee refrain from asking 'who is attending?', in order to respect the organiser?"
If the invitee does not have any pure motives for asking, then he should refrain from asking.
But if the invitee has a pure motive to know who's attending before making a decision, then let the invitee state the motive plainly and honestly to the organiser when asking. This, in itself, is showing respect too.
Faithful are the wounds of a friend, But deceitful are the kisses of an enemy. [Proverbs 27:6]
Jonah, thanks for sharing your comments. I really appreciate it a lot.
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